Alexa from Modern Love Club here!
Sometimes, it’s easy to get caught up in ideas about love that are unhelpful or tiring- I know I do! These are books I pick up and revisit when I want to remember that love is a practice, that relating to other people is an art, and most of all, creating romance should be fun and inspiring. So I invite you to check these out, and you can write to me and let me know what you think :)
bell hooks
“When we are loving we openly and honestly express care, affection, responsibility, respect, commitment, and trust.” - bell hooks
All About Love is a beautiful guide to different aspects of love in modern society. Bell hooks reminds us that love is a verb, something that we choose to do. And it is something that we can learn to do well. We learn that love is not something that is fused with lust and passion, but it is rather something sacred and healing, and we must act in and through love to create the connections that will satisfy us in life. I highly recommend this book! I think it’s important, because even as romance and eroticism are important elements for dating, it’s above all important to relate to each other through real love, care, and respect.
Amir Levine, Rachel Heller
Adult attachment theory describes the ways that we behave in relationships. There are three distinct ways that we might related to each other: anxious, avoidant, or secure. Read this book to help determine what your attachment style might be, and to learn to decode that of your partner. That way, you can open up conversations and new ways of learning to love each
other to build a successful relationship.
Mimi Winsberg
I met the author of Speaking in Thumbs, Mimi Winsberg, at the 2022 Matchmaker’s Conference. Her short presentation on her new book about decoding relationship texts blew my mind! There are so many subtle things that we are expressing through our use or misuse
of grammar, emojis, and timing when texting. These days, texting is a fundamental part of establishing rapport with someone romantically, as a significant amount of connections begin online. I recommend reading this fascinating book to help you gain fluency in the art of flirtatious texting.
Gay Hendricks, Kathlyn Hendricks
Written by a therapist couple, Conscious Loving introduces us to practical strategies that we can engage in with a partner to create real, authentic intimacy. They cover how to let go of power struggles, how to have balance between solo and together time, and offer suggestions for collaborative and positive communication. There’s lots to learn here if you are consciously thinking about how to create secure and lasting love!
The above books are on the more theoretical and practical side of things. I want to include two more books, ones that serve more to inspire romance rather than explain it. The first is:
Rumi; Translated by Nader Khalili
This book comes beautifully illustrated. Rumi is perhaps my all-time favorite poet. His expressions of love are mystical, natural, tender, and deep. The book is easy to pick up, and offers a quick dip into a profound well of heart-centered observations on the world and connection. This collection makes a great gift, too :)
And finally:
Magda Carneci
I found this book in Mast Books during Autumn, and I’ll pick it up and reread passages frequently. The poetry is delicious and decadent. It’s an autobiography of sorts, but told in a hallucinatory and surreal manner. The author travels through her memories of transitioning from girl to woman, falling in love, and what happens beyond. The scenes are striking, steamy, and definitely rouse something in the subconscious that lends a romantic filter to the world after you put it down.