Dearest Community,
When I think of the most powerful loves I have experienced, and then try to trace the defining qualities that made them so potent, there is one characteristic that stands out to me as impossibly precious. Everyone who has really loved me, has loved me as I was.
Real love loves in the now. It does not subsist on the thrills of the past, nor does it put emphasis on a person’s or a relationship’s potential. Real love is the deep acceptance and appreciation of who is there, right then.
I like to show acceptance for my partner by granting them permission. They have the freedom to speak their truth, and to express themselves authentically. They have the ability to arrive to me each day as a new version of themselves. I’m relating to them as who they are then and there, not who they were yesterday. They have permission to not be available 24/7 to give me attention, and they have the permission to be an individual outside of the relationship.
Permission is something that I cherish receiving in relationship. I feel loved when my partner grants me space and respects my autonomy. I deeply appreciate when they allow me to be an evolving organic being, rather than frozen as a character in their perception. It allows me to return to the relationship over and over again with new energy to offer and receive.
Permission is something that I’ve been thinking about as a way to experience love as a verb rather than as a noun; practicing the art of letting someone be, and loving them for who they are in that same moment. Granting permission is the creation of a safe space where all feelings and thoughts can be shared free of judgment. Love that flourishes out of this kind of honesty can be strong, long-lasting, and nourishing.
Yours in love,
Alexa Cassill
